For weeks during my Powersheets prep, I had been wrestling with choosing one word that would perfectly describe what I’d like to cultivate this year. Brainstorming, lists, synonyms of this, antonyms of that. And I got…nothing!
Fast forward to Wednesday night. I’m sitting in the front row of a meeting room that is standing room only behind me, listening to one of our business mentors share his experience meeting one of the most successful couples in our industry. He said that all they did was give God all the honor and glory when asked about their success.
Suddenly, I was the only one in the room. Everything faded around me. It’s so cliché, I know, I know!
I thought to myself, when my husband and I achieve the dream God placed in our hearts, will I be able to honestly say, “It was all God?” Then I thought, I’m not going to get to that point if it’s NOT all Him, if there’s me in there. I’m a vessel, not the source.
And these feelings starting rushing in – feelings of grasping, clutching, clinging, climbing, being out of breath. Feeling frustrated, angry, scared, and disappointed. Trying to control everything. Being downright exhausted.
The truth is, as God’s created people, we are not meant to be in control. The art does not control the artist.
I’ve been trying to do it all myself. Alone. And I made a mess of the canvas. I’ve been holding on so tight that there has been no room for God. I say I have faith, I say I trust Him, I say it’s all for His glory; yet, I’m not giving Him a chance to show up and win the day. To show up and move the mountain. To show up and take something small and multiply it. So we can point to Him, so we can give Him all the honor and glory!
Then I remembered The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson. To enter our personal Promised Land, God calls us to take one final step of faith, even after our long journey, the hard work, the up’s and down’s, and all our faith…He calls us to give our dream back to Him.
Back to Him?! But it’s my dream! Well, actually, it’s God’s dream. Remember? He’s “The Dream Giver.” He put the dream in my heart to begin with so I could reach others for His Kingdom. He put a dream in your heart too!
Still, the thought loomed over me, right there in that meeting room. My thoughts raced – What if He takes my dream away from me? What if He sends me in a different direction? No, no, no. That’s the enemy talking. I know the Truth. God’s whispering it to my heart right here in this room tonight.
When I surrender my dream back to Him, He will take the dream and work wonders through it, multiplying it to the corners of the earth. Only then can my husband and I enter our Promised Land, because we will have shown God that we are truly ready for the responsibility, servitude, and humility that comes with that freedom.
I let out a breath that I had been holding, clenched inside of me, for the past six months. Release. Rest. Stillness.
And I smiled.
Just like that, God had shown me that 2018 would be the year of surrender for me. Learning to let go, to stop reaching and start trusting. Learning to be God-led, not me-led.
I honestly don’t remember much else that happened that evening, or what else was shared. I just know that it was the night I began this journey of surrendering my dream to God and watching in awe at what He does.
Have you chosen a word of the year? Share in the comments! I’d love to hear the words you’ve chosen.
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